Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
