so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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