Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
