oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
