Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
