also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
