So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
