does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
