I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
