you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
