well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
