Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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