I love having hate sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
