Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
