You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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