I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
