I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
