My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
