I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
