So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
