I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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