We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
