thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
