I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
