haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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