i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
