I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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