At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
