I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
