it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
