based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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