There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
