I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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