Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
