is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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