I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How does one acquire holy water?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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