nut hugger
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
