The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
