Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
