wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
