Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
that may or may not have been my penis.
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