I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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