he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
