a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
