yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
