I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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