Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
