I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
