i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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