It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
