in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
