On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
